This is My Story - Daniella

In this series of personal stories we hear from parents who have suffered pregnancy or baby loss. We hold space for loss and grief, and we remember our babies gone too soon.

In sharing their stories, these parents are beginning to exorcise the triple demons of stigma, silence and ignorance that afflict so many conversations in the perinatal bereavement space.

Parents share their journeys and the lessons they have learned about grief, parenthood, friendship and living after the death of their baby. They tell us how they have changed, who they have become, and what truly matters now.

Baby girl Gia with her mum and dad

I found out I was pregnant on New Years Eve 2024. My pregnancy was super easy. I hardly felt sick and when I did it only lasted a few weeks. My baby girl made it very easy for me! 

My husband and I were trying for a baby for almost a year. When I found out I was finally pregnant, I was initially shocked and scared but so happy we were starting our family. Being pregnant for the first time, I didn't know what to expect! 

I noticed reduced movements on a Tuesday and went straight to the hospital. There they monitored me and kept me in overnight to keep an eye on what baby was doing. The doctor wasn't hugely concerned as everything seemed to look ok -my baby's heartbeat was still perfect. That week I went back to my doctor for more ultrasounds and more monitoring.

From that point on I was going to be seeing my doctor every 2 days. On Friday I went in for another ECG. Same thing - everything looked normal.

The doctor had planned to keep baby in for one more week, under close monitoring. On the Sunday we went back to the hospital for another booked ECG. That's when we found out our baby had no heartbeat. Our world just stopped. There are no words to express what we felt in that moment.

I think I went numb. I didn't believe what was happening. Complete shock and devastation. Then the thoughts of having to tell family, going to deliver our baby, having a funeral and all these things started to kick in. 

Getting myself ready to go into theatre as I had to have a C-section, I think I was still in complete shock. The fear I had had about having to deliver a baby completely didn't matter anymore. I wasn't scared. The nurses and doctors tried to make the situation as normal as possible. They played music for us and made us feel so comfortable.

I was just ready to meet our beautiful baby. I felt really strong through the whole process of the C-section. I wanted to be for my baby and my husband. 

We didn't find out the sex of our baby as we wanted the surprise at the end. When they showed us our baby, we saw it was a beautiful baby girl. The feeling of seeing her finally was so exciting - but also devastating, knowing she wasn't coming home with us.

It was such a sad moment. She looked like me -a head full of hair, a beautiful little face. She truly was a little Angel. Having her in my arms gave me comfort. She was ok because we had her, and she was safe. Our daughter Gia was the most perfect little baby who is so so loved by everyone and will be missed dearly.  

My experience of losing a baby has been very tough. Some days I still feel like I'm in a dream, that this never happened. Days turn into weeks, and as I look back at everything that happened, I still can't believe our baby is gone.

The excitement of months of waiting to meet our baby and to have her gone so quickly still blows my mind. Some days I feel good and strong, and others hit me so hard.

Having a good support system around me has made a big impact. But I still feel lost, empty, and that a part of me is missing now. I don't know if that feeling will ever go away. 

I wish I had known that in pregnancy you're not always guaranteed a happy ending.

I think people just get pregnant and think they will automatically have a healthy, happy baby, go home and get on with their life. I know that's what I thought. We are not invincible, and anything can happen to anybody. 

To parents recently bereaved I would say that you just need to ride the waves of emotion. Don't hide them. Grieve how you want to and just be there for each other. It's going to be hard, but each day things will get better. Your beautiful baby is still with you, watching over you.

I found comfort in having my daughter cremated and having her at home with us, where she belongs. Just talking to her like she is around gives me peace. Having keepsakes from the hospital, bespoke items and little things around the house have also helped me remember her. She will never be forgotten. 

Possum Portraits does such wonderful things for bereaved parents. Making beautiful keepsakes of their baby is just a lovely idea. They help parents just that little bit more. Their portraits take the stress out of having images printed straight away, especially when you don't feel like leaving the house.

Being able to express my story now, I hope it helps others and that we are not alone. The fact that Possum Portraits offers a free service is just amazing, I feel very supported by the community of people trying to help others who are going through such a hard time in their life. 

To finish up I would say to just follow your instinct. If something feels off, say so. Because most of the time, when you feel this way then something isn't right! We know our bodies and our babies! Push for more tests and appointments, don't be afraid. Doctors aren't always right.

As hard as it seems, you will get through this. Just take it day by day and be gentle with yourself. Don't hold guilt. As much as we blame ourselves, our beautiful Guardian Angels are watching over us. We are never alone. One day we will be reunited. 

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