This is My Story - Madeline

This series of personal stories from parents who have suffered pregnancy or baby loss holds space for talking about loss and grief and remembering our babies gone too soon.

In sharing their stories about their pregnancy journeys, feelings and insights, these parents are beginning to exorcise the double demons of silence and ignorance that afflict so many conversations in the space of pregnancy and baby loss.

Parents share their journeys and the lessons they have learned about grief, parenthood, friendship and living after the death of their baby. They tell us how they have changed, who they have become, and what truly matters now.

Angel baby girl Wren with her bunny and teddies

On 15th of April 2022, our baby Girl Wren Frances McConnell entered the world quietly. A normal second pregnancy commenced with an induction of labour at 38 weeks and ended with a cord prolapse leading to an emergency GA C-section.

Wren was born and resuscitated. However, we never saw her open her eyes or cry.

The next few hours were a blur. We were asked if we would like to withdraw care in our small country town or in Melbourne. After discussions with the Royal Children’s Hospital, we decided to that we had to give our baby girl a chance and she was flown to Melbourne. She was followed closely by her dad, with me arriving a few hours later in a transfer to the Royal Women’s Hospital.

Wren was actively cooled to try and prevent further brain damage. However, that meant we were unable to hold her until she had re-warmed which was nearly 5 days later. She suffered small seizures, but all her organs recovered.

We are grateful for the monitoring of her brain, as we were able to see it react when we held her hand and talked to her. All our baby girl ever knew was love.

On Thursday 21st April we received the devastating news that unfortunately, her MRI showed catastrophic brain damage. In all likelihood, she would never breathe on her own.

We made plans to spend our final days with Wren - for her to meet her big sister Edie. For our brothers, sisters and grandparents to meet our precious girl for the first and last time.

We planned to withdraw care on the Sunday. On Saturday, we took Wren outside in a pram - ventilated and pushed proudly by her big sister. We all had cuddles in the sunshine.

On returning to the ward, Wren told us she was ready in her own way. We started to say our goodbyes, skin to skin, reading books and listening to music. We are forever grateful that Heartfelt was able to capture our last moments together with her, warm and pink and without all her tubes.

Once she had passed, we took her home. Her big sister Edie just wanted to take Wren home. So with my dad driving, my husband in the back between car seats holding Wren and Edie’s hands, we made our last trip home together as a family of four.

We arrived home to the front of the house decorated in lights, flowers and balloons for Wren. We spent the next few hours cuddling on the couch, savouring our last moments as a family.

At 2am in the morning the funeral director took our baby girl. Letting my baby girl go was the hardest moment I have ever endured.

I am grateful for the 8 days that we had, but I mourn the life that she should have had: the life she deserved and being an Earthside baby sister for Edie.

Wren is always in our thoughts. Edie is her sister's biggest advocate. She makes sure everyone knows she has a baby sister, and now a baby brother. We know Wren's little brother Noah will grow up hearing all about her.

Forever our baby girl.

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