What is PTG?
PTG stands for post-traumatic growth. PTG is a theory that explains a kind of transformation following trauma. It was developed by psychologists Richard Tedeschi, PhD, and Lawrence Calhoun, PhD, in the mid-1990s, and holds that people who endure psychological struggle following adversity can often see positive growth afterward.
"People develop new understandings of themselves, the world they live in, how to relate to other people, the kind of future they might have and a better understanding of how to live life," says Tedeschi.
Quoted from the American Psychological Association
It is certainly a momentous achievement to realise personal growth from adversity. However, the transformation by no means implies that the suffering was “meant to be”, nor that the situation occasioning the pain and suffering was in itself some sort of perverse “good thing”.
If you achieve growth out of loosing a child, you have indeed managed a momentous feat. This feat does not in any way imply that you are happy or grateful about the loss of your baby because of the growth it occasioned - it means that the event has transformed you, your life views and your personal journey in profound ways, without any value judgements attached.
If you feel a sense of personal growth after loosing your child, you are frankly inspirational. If you are still struggling after loosing your child and feel no sense of growth, or none as of yet, YOU HAVE NOT FAILED! Seeing the death of your child as the worst thing that could happen and coming to see no silver lining to this is NOT a personal failure.
It is YOUR journey.